spoke to my mum abt the cruise job again a few days ago..


she said she doesn't know how to tell my dad n grandma that i wanna go for the cruise job.. told her that i told her that mama knows abt it already.. felt that my grandma trusts me even more than either of my parents.. coz she gave me her blessings. my mum said that if anything happens to me, my dad will blame her and throw her out of the hse.


if he really does that, i dun think i will even have a tint of respect left for him. i know that he loves us (my 2 sisters n i) alot but that doesn't mean that he can go around and blame my mum for any shit that we give ourselves into. coz it's not her fault that we got ourselves in the shit. i rather he blame or hate me than my mum.


i wan to go for the cruise job. i know that this is the time coz i wouldn't wanna be in the cruise line when i'm like 28 or so.. i have my life plan out already. i hope that my parents can relax and give me their blessings.


funny how life turns out... i really dunno what to say.. sigh...


tell me what to say when my mum told me that when she retires, she's going to backpack around the world on her own. then my l'l sis asked what would happen to my dad.. she said he can do whatever he wants, he can emigrate to another country if he wants. then nana asked what would happen to mama.. my mum said that she'll call home regularly so that my grandma won't worry.. when this conversation was going on.. all i could think of was "interesting how we actually go to church every sunday, hearing abt preaching on family, love and all.. and yet, my family wants to spilt and do stuffs on their own.." do we not have enough love to substain anything? for that moment, i really wanted to stay in s'pore n not go for the cruise job. but i'm sick of this shit. i need a break away from this eccentric family..


i will miss everyone when i'm away.. maybe in time, i might even miss my dad. alot of times, when he went overseas on his own, i wish that this trip, i might miss him.. but i never did. coz everything seems better w/o him. i really hate myself for thinking this way. i really do. i dun wish to think of my dad this way.. i juz can't help myself. am i a bad person?


december is coming soon... then it'll be janaury.. once i have done my 30,000 report.. i will start applying for the cruise job. let's juz hope for the best... maybe after this job, and i came back to work in hotels in s'pore again.. i will be a happier person.

Yummy

my mum bought fruitcake slices from marks & spencers.. sinfully yummy.. fruitcake with a thick layer of sugar icing.. juz had a slice.. damn good.. *wink*

sch will be finished in 2 wks' time.. sad to leave my classmates, glad to move onto another chapter of my life..

gonna be 21 soon. but in my heart, i feel much older.. can't believe i'm only 21.. funny huh?

had freaking law today but also watched my grp's (IJ workshop) video.. so embarrassing!! the video started with me talking crap for the introduction.. i wanted to dig a hole and bury my head.. stupid sean still have the cheek to turn around n laugh at me. basket. haha.. silly cinz was so funny in the video too.. she looked like a pervert smiling at all the girls.. hahahaa..



then after law, went to have coffee with cinz for awhile before my mum n sis came to town.. was kinda nervous abt meeting my mum today coz i know she's gonna scold me for allowing the fish tank to be placed at my house.. might have to move house for the tank soon... sad, coz it's really beautiful.. nana came later to meet us.. then, guess who we saw? we saw charissa at centrepoint.. she's still the same.. made me laugh.. hahaa




few of my guys are depressed today... it's as though today's men depression day... kinda dragged my mood alittle.. shoulders are aching like mad.. shan't type anymore.. tata..

sch was ok today.. fen made me wanna roll away alot of times until i nearly wanted to faint.. hahaa.. kev went for MM's interview n he got in!! haha.. fen n him will be together for attach.. :)
at least both of them wld have each other.. so yay!!



met fi for dinner after sch.. our plan was to eat thosai then go to united square for ben&jerry's.. but we were too full after eating 1 marsala thosai meal, 1 onion rawa marsala, and 3 vegetable vadai.. very shiok.. :) walked around novena square for awhile, before taking 54 home..



but coz we happily msged jon telling that we will be going to have ben&jerry's.. and he was having his golf tournament.. we got accused of making him play badly.. haha.. coz he wanted to eat with us.. and suddenly, we had to buy for him 2 tubs of ben&jerry's.. he even chose the flavours already.. that pig.. hahaha



hopefully, i will end sch early tmw.. i wanna meet fi again.. heehee...

Ytd was quite ok.. watched harry potter.. it was ok.. but they kept jumping scenes.. didn't follow too nicely.. shin was as cute as ever.. she watched until she got confused.. haha.. questions came out after watching the show.. we didn't know where to go after the movie.. slowly, everyone started leaving until it's left with fi, jon n me.. decided to visit michele at the wake there and buy her something to munch on.. left close to 3.. was very tired when we left..

today is a very sucky day.. everyone left to church but me.. they didn't even ask me to go.. woke up at 8am to do my presentation.. they juz left the hse to go for church.. i dunno.. all i got was angry noises shouting all around me.. not directly at me but i know it's coz of me.. and i dun really feel a thing? it's like i'm immune abt it.. took out my earphones to plug into windows media player.. didn't wanna hear what's going on.. at this rate, i think i'm gonna be deaf, not partially deaf anymore. ya, i came home late last nite, i already told them that i'm gonna be late. they didn't even bother calling me last nite or even asking me where i went..

when are pple gonna learn that they juz have to ask me and i'll tell them whatever they need to know from me? except from lung exercise. i dun have any secrets to keep from them what. being like this, reminds me of the time when my mum said that i'm like a walking machine at home.. unfeelingness.. i admit.. i dunno how to be myself at home.. how can i be? i'm only permitted to show one emotion(happy) anyway.. so what's the use.. when i put on a straight face, i get scolding too coz i look as though i dun care.. how do u wan me to react?

i really dunno. how am i supposed to react when i get scolding from my parents? surely i can't laugh or smile. so i put on a straight face. last time i did that before today.. i got slapped coz of that. what do u guys wan? i cry, u tell me to stop crying. i get pissed, u tell me to stop glaring at u. i dun show any emotions, u tell me that i have a bad attitude and am cold person..

i'm getting tired.. dun force me to go for the european cruise where i only come back for 2 weeks per yr.. i might juz do that.

juz came back from a wake.. kinda tired..

had boring lessons of financial mgmt and law today.. then went to city hall with gwen, fen and von.. had lunch with them n andrew.. haha.. i wanted to eat my fav hotplate egg tofu at west mall's food court.. but gwen, von n andrew are going for their 2nd interview.. soooo.... we went to raffles city's food court to eat.. had the hotplate egg tofu too.. but it wasn't as nice as west mall's.. :(

cinz came later.. we sent those interviewees off then went to cartel to talk rubbish.. supposed to meet fi at 4.. but she had something to settle so i met up with the interviewees for a while.. i'm so happy for the 3 of them coz they all got accepted by RC.. told u guys that u guys could make it.. hee hee.. :)

fi came and met the rest of the gang to go to the wake and jon came later.. stayed there for quite awhile.. glad that mich is taking things well..

tmw will be a packed day.. gonna meet alot of pple.. and have a law test... crappy.. and have to have lessons with ann ang until 130 or so.. can't stand another session of law on sat.. going mad soon..

am still coughing.. hope that it'll go away soon.. i dun wanna go see another doc or go for x-ray.. having it for close to 2 mths already.. damnit..

oh man.. looks are really deceiving..

i thought this guy was a good fren to me, a person who is holier than me.. but he ended up asking me dirty qns today.. omg.. i can't believe it's the same person that i treated as my good fren..

i'm so disgusted la.. no words can describe how i feel right now.. damnit..

hmmm...

lately, i have been drinking alot of chinese black coffee that my grandmama would make daily.. damnit.. it's so nice and fragrant.. yumm.. i'm addicted to it.. how am i gonna survive on the cruise job without her coffee?! i wonder if there's a way out for it.. home-made coffee sachets? hahaha..

kev juz gross me out by telling me that he juz roasted a cockroach with baygon and lighter.. juz as i was enjoying my coffee.. hhaha.. i could visualize in my head what happened to the poor cockroach.. tsk tsk.. he said it was roaring when it was being fried.. and his mum thought that he was holding a flame thrower.. -_-''''

sch was tiring today.. dunno why.. came home, bathed and slept immediately.. couldn't take it.. maybe it's coz i haven't been slping well lately.. damn shag.. got called idiot by someone too.. coz i didn't pick up his call.. -_-'''

and my mum had to shock me by telling me that i dun have my uniform blouse for tmw.. how am i gonna go to sch!?!!?!?!!?! *hee hee, i hope that it won't dry..*

*yawn* have two assignments to complete and hand up tmw... there goes my slp tonight.. gotta rush it off already..

today's lessons were so boring.. kev and cinz didn't come to sch.. had no entertainment except from fen.. fen n i talked abt stuffs and fell asleep on some occasions.. and i kept yawning until tears were pouring out of my eyes..

thank goodness class was only until 12 today... coz i dun think i could survive until 430 pm..

my new pair of court shoes is killing my feet.. having 4 blisters already.. :( gotta wear slippers tmw coz if i continue wearing that pair of shoes, i can say sayonara to my skin..

man.. i still have 3 - 4 more days of sch left before i can rest... damn it... i'm so tired... and the best part is that we haven't done any of our other projects yet.. too lazy to start..

saw don n kiffer the other day.. they said i'm slightly balding already... how depressing.. this is retribution for laughing at all those pple who have bald spots on their heads.. sigh.. shouldn't have laugh so loud.. is this the calling for Yun Nam or Beijing 101? hahaha..

hope u guys are having fun wherever u are.. take care.. and mich... dun eat any spicy or milky stuffs until ur stomach is feeling better.. :)

sigh..

i juz can't do it... i said i dun wanna see that person anymore.. but when he speaks to me, i juz feel that i can't do it.. though i know that i will end up hurt again if i go out with them.. but not seeing him makes me sadder.. and it breaks my heart that he doesn't know a thing..

made promises to him already.. i will try my best to stick to it. and i hope he'll do well in the future.. coz i have alot of faith in him. and i'll support him to the end..

i know fenny... i ended up a weakling too.. talk so much, ended up the same as u... sigh..

i guess, even if we are only meant to be frens, i'm happy coz i got to know a person like him and have him as my fren.. and he'll have a special place in my heart forever.

when u guys have kids, pls never believe that once u provide money for your kids, u're being a good parent.. coz it's crap..

if u only interested in seeing ur kids' results, either than that, u can't be bothered... u're not being a good parent too..

it hurts when someone only cares abt ur results and gives u a monthly report on how much he is spending on ur welfare.. only speaks to u in church when u have to say "peace be with u" or to tell u when is ur exam dates and whether u have ur results back..

when he wants to speak to u abt something serious, he would either ask ur mum to speak to u or put a typed letter on ur table... hen u need extra cash, u write it in this book and put it on his table so that he can know how much he is spending on u.

even when u finally graduated, he can't even be bothered to be there in the ceremony coz u're only gonna get ur cert.. so what..

when he write to u, asking u what u want to be in the future when u're 16.. u said u wan to be a hotelier. he puts u in shatec. but when u come back late coz of irregular hrs in the hotel line, he shouts at u telling u that he regrets putting u in shatec and yet, enrols u in higher diploma.

asked ur mum to ask u how u want to go abt in ur life, u tell her ur plan.. and when he heard it. he came up with another plan and made u follow his orders or ur mum won't speak to u.

pls.. my frens.. never be like this.. never be like my dad

yawn...

naren kept asking me to read the newspaper.. but too lazy to move my butt and get it.. haha..

tired... met pple today.. hopefully i did the right thing..

fi, be safe when u go to thailand.. and happy birthday baby shin! :) *muacks*

willing to let u go already.

u may not know that it's u

but sooner or later, u'll know..

take good care of urself.. will think of u forever..

couldn't slp well these few days.. getting kinda exhausted...

went to my cousin's new clinic for speech therapy.. she finally has her own clinic.. she's also a certified yoga instructor.. she needs 4 more pple to start a class of 8.. anyone wanna join? if u join, i'll join too.. haha.. let me give u guys the information now..

Svastha Yoga, 10th Nov(starting date) 7-8pm.. it's at fortune centre, middle road..

call me soon ya? if u're interested.. latest by sunday coz on monday, i'll need to tell her..

then my mum n i headed down to mushroom pot to have their mushroom meatball noodle soup.. it was delicious! yummm.. :)

my mum wanted to shop in Robinson's.. i ended up buying 2 skirts instead.. haha.. one is for my job interviews coz i'm gonna start working soon.. yay! finally working again.. can't wait.. i need to keep myself real busy.. i hope i'll be engulfed with work.. :)

as today is also all saints' day.. we went to church.. met my dad n l'l sis there... saw melissa pang when i got up halfway to pee.. it's been a long time since i saw her..

after tmw.. i'll be fine already.. coz i'll let go of everything already. :) then i'll be free from everything.. mostly pain...

i really hope i'll get the cruise job so that i won't be able to spend so much time in singapore. i'm tired of singapore already.. n next yr.. alot of changes will happen.. it bound to happen sooner or later.. so might as well let go now.