can't wait to leave for thailand tmw.. i really need a break.. guess to let u darlings know what time, it's 9pm... will be meeting fi first.. we haven't seen each other for the longest time.. T_T

i juz feel so tired, u know.. of life, of everything.. (dun worry, i won't kill myself) it's juz draining all my energy away.. i badly need to recharge my batteries.

one thing i really dun understand is why is max still hurting me even though we have already broke up and now are frens.. why muz he do this to me.. he msged me a few days ago.. and we talked for a while. then i asked him if i could meet him after my trip. he didn't reply, so i thought he was busy n msged him again the next day. he still didn't reply. so i msged saying that it's ok if he doesn't wan to meet me.. he still didn't reply. i'm so sad, u know.. i msged him yesterday asking him if he seriously doesn't wanna meet me.. he still didn't reply.. why is he hurting me again n again?

is this what all men tend to do after they have broken up with their gfs? disappear from their lives?

today, i met my chef fren, Terry, in the library and since he was gonna do his one yr attachment at Royal Plaza and i'll never see him again, i asked for his hp no.. this is how the conversation went:

me: (passes terry my hp) key in ur hp no pls..
Terry: okie.. np
me: thanks! *big grin*
terry: what's urs?
me: 9 blah blah blah..
terry: what's ur name huh?
me: (suddenly realised that i never told him my name before) errmm. clarabelle
terry: (shocked) are u serious?!
me: yeah duh... why wld i kid u? my name, ya know...
terry: omg! that's what i'm gonna name my daughter!
me: SERIOUS?! great choice!!!!!!!!! *big big grin*
terry: but now i'm having second thoughts....
me: why?!!?!?!
terry: coz i dun wan her to be as crazy as u..
me: 0_o i'm not crazy...
terry: who are u trying to kid...
me: but.. but.. it's a nice name!!! u better name her clarabelle, manz...
terry: see how first.. lol..
me: okie! *big grin*

hmmmzz.. am i crazy!?! no, rite?

these few days, i've been thinking of max.. i dunno why.. i juz miss him alot. i hate it coz i know i shouldn't be thinking of him. i should be concentrating on my exams. but it's hard and i dunno what to do.. when i think of someone, i'll automatically think of him. few days ago, while talking on the phone, i called kevin "max", luckily he didn't hear it. all my head is saying is "max.. max.. max.. max.." i'm going crazy.. somebody pls save me..

school

ahhh.. my project week is gone!!! yay!! i'm so happy.. well i had 2 presentation on Mon n Fri.. both were very good.. the trainers were very impressed.. *phew* my group which consists of 4 pathetic members actuallly made it!! we were so happy! juz in case u're wondering why i said pathetic.. well.. we orginally had 6 group members... but 2 of them, one was MIA and another was gonna withdraw.. sooo.. compared to other groups.. we're quite pathetic.. but i muz say.. the 4 of us compliment each other very well... each other's weak pts are someone else's strong points.. ain't i lucky? muahahah..

on thurs, elaine didn't come to sch.. so i sat with my very good guy fren.. before that, i met him in the train n he was telling me his probs with someone.. n could tell he was very affected by it.. he put on a brave mask in sch; however, when my other fren comforted him.. he broke down n cried.. at that time, i was happily smsing away (the lesson was boring... can't blame me) and when i turned to my left n saw him crying.. i was like, oh fark!! i practically threw my phone away! lol.. it hit the table but i couldn't care less coz my fren was crying.. we were trying to comfort him n all.. sigh.. quite embarrassing for him lah.. coz the trainer noticed something was wrong then she suddenly asked what's wrong. then the whole class looked at him.. so i asked him whether he wanted to get the hell out of here.. he nodded his head. so i grabbed his hand n walked out.. went down to talk n all.. slowly, he felt better so we went back to class.. then whoever looked at him, i juz glared at that person.. lol.. i was the meanie that day.. couldn't care whether that person i glared at was my good fren or not..

LIFE

my mum juz came back from marketing.. she's very upset coz someone stole her shoes.. her fav one at the moment, very ex n can't be found in s'pore... she said if she sees anyone wearing the shoes.. she'll slap her.. i told her i'll give that person a slap too.. then i hugged her.. she looks so sad.. hmph.. stupid moose.. bet that person can't wear her shoes.. :P

well.. it has been 56 days since i broke off with max.. hmmm.. i think i'm slowly forgetting him.. erased his numbers off my phone (although i can't never forget his hp no) and all his msgs, even the chinese poem he wrote for me.. i still think of him, esp when i pass by AMK in the train.. coz he always hang out with his pals at the coffeeshop near MOS burger.. and i can see that coffeeshop whenever i go to sch.. but it isn't that serious anymore... i entertain myself by reading newspaper or books or smsing pple or juz sitting at the opposite side.. in denial stage huh... maybe one day.. i won't need to do all these stuffs anymore... hope so..

my exams are in coming week.. have to study now.. take care my peeps.. :)

my most hated subjects of all time:-

* mircoeconomics
*economics

i'm dying off already... it has been quite bad these few day coz it's project week.. we're having meetings everyday n have been slping very late.. siti nearly fainted last night coz she has not been slping for the past few days since sunday.. elaine's falling sick and weak.. i'm trying to finish the bloody micro so that i dun have to face it again.. i'm not sick.. but very tired.. have been slping in the train to n back from sch.. n dunno why ethan kept insisting that i look very pale.. but.. i really like the energy flowing out.. hee.. though i'm dying off..

wish me the best of luck, peeps

MY GOALS

Short-run goals:

* get As n B+s for my coming exams
* get above the average mark for all my projects
* change my specs before my Work Attachment begins
* go and volunteer to the red cross at the expo.. (need shatec pple to serve)
* save enough money to enjoy my hols at Thailand.. (then my mum won't nag if i overspend.. muahaha)


long-run goals:

* go abroad to get my degree
* go abroad get a bachelor in hotel management but work to get enough money first.
* be the duty manager of the hotel i'll be working under
* be the director of the hotel
* be the CEO and chairman of Raffles Holdings.. (Jennie Chua is my role model)
* volunteer once in a while
* get a house n a roomie with a puppy to go with
* buy a purple beetle and hire a chauffer to drive me around

heh heh heh.. muz work really hard, huh...

juz finished editing the income statement that darling penny helped me with.. *thanks penny!* ^_^

well.. today, i had my Quality Service presentation.. i'm so happy that it's over.. hee.. one down, three to go.. it wasn't that bad after all.. i think it's coz she wasn't very strict.. lol.. however, i dun think it will be the same for my Hospitality Sales presentation.. my frens who had their presentation today, said that my trainer is very strict and all.. kept asking alot of qns. very worried abt that...

oh well....

anyway, i think i influenced my momma in some ways, as she's been wearing alot of purple these few days.. :P i am so good at influencing pple.. jk.. lol.. but i think she looks nicer in pastel colours instead of her normal dull colours like brown, black or white... the other day, she bought this dark purple eye shadow n she applied it for me to see.. i nearly died laughing coz she applied too much n it looked like someone punched her in the eye.. lol..

but i love my momma lotz.. hee.. she's such a cutie.. although she's abit annoying sometimes, but i still love her.. ^_^ (now, she's giving me the what-are-u-looking-at face.. coz i'm staring at her) sometimes, when she jokes, she's the only one laughing.. lol no one laughs with her, coz it's so lame.. haha.. she'll laugh until she wanna pee.. (seriously, i have no idea what's so funny) haha.. then she'll force us to laugh by poking us.. -_-'' (weird mum) lol.. well, it's better than her singing, esp. her opera style.. when she sings opera style, i'll feel like ripping off my ears.. lol

but in front of my frens n some relatives, she's like so cool and serious. (act cool.. pfft) lol.. however, i still remember that time she came n collect my report book, pris n her couldn't stop waving at each other.. i practically had to drag my mum anyway.. lol.. that's my mum when she opens up.. a loony like me! hee..

i dunno why i ended up talking abt my mum.. :P it's juz that she's soo cute! *muz give her a hug later.. lol*

T_T sigh.. i muz go n study microecons already.. damn.. never mind, only one week left.. i can do it! :P

juz had Tom Yam Kuay Teow Soup.. hmmm.. i can't wait to go to Thailand.. i LOVE the tom yam kun there... absolutely de-li-cious!!!!! yummy.. hee.. Ü it's juz so different from the ones u find here in s'pore.. i guess u have to be at that particular country to get the right flava... lol..

i'm already making a list of things to buy from Thailand.. heh heh.. kinda distracting for me as i'm supposed to be studying n doing my projects.. BUT i can't help it.. *bones itching alert!!* lol

when i reach there, i'm gonna juz put my stuffs at my hotel room, take my moo-lah from my mum n MAJOR shopping begins. not gonna wait for the next day.. heh heh.. gonna buy alot alot of bright accessories...

i'm soooo excited!! gonna faint soon.. lol i haven't had a massive shopping done in mths.. dying already..

well.. wish me luck, peeps. that i won't fall sick when i'm there... Ü u guys won't wan that to happen, rite... heh heh... :P

PROJECTS, PROJECTS, PROJECTS

all my projects are due next week, everyone are starting to panic and get very stressed out.. i love it! i love the feel of stress. i love to give my all and stretch my abilities until i'm soo worn out.. i want to feel that everything is worth the effort... and i still have to find time to study n revise as my exams are the following week..

Today, elaine helped me to calculate how much i have to get for my exams to get A or B+.. i nearly wanted to faint.. u know why?! i have to get at least 80 marks and above... damn it.. my GPA is only 2.6... passing mark is 2.0 but i wanna get 2.8 n above... soo i have to get all As and B+s for this semster and next... before i go for my Work Experience for one yr.. gonna have to cramp for the next 2 weeks.. T_T i hate studying......

BUT after that, i'll be flying off to Thailand to relax and do massive shopping.. YAY! and i truly deserve it coz i've worked so hard!!! so it isn't that bad after all, huh..... hee hee... tc

8:10 Hitler passed away.. 10:10 Jewel passed away..

u guys must be wondering who are they.. well.. they were baby kittens that i found in a paper bag on tuesday morning, on my way to sch. they were only a few days old and were abt the size of my palm.. their fur were like a cow's.. very cute..

i brought them to sch and when siti saw the kittens, she fell in love with them, juz like me.. so i decided to let her take one. she chose a male kitty and named him Hitler coz he has two black spots above his mouth, like a moustache. i didn't know the sex of my kitty, but i decided to named it jewel n also decided that it is a girl..

Jewel was so cute as she loved to slp on my hand and to have me patting her butt, and would cry if i put her down.. most of the students knew her too coz i was walking around with her n all.. esp the girls.. they all wanted to carry her.. she was the star..

on tues, i couldn't bring Jewel home coz i had to visit a hotel n restaurant to get information for my projects, so siti brought her home too.. the whole night, kept thinking of Jewel coz i missed her sooooo much.. i kept telling myself i'll get to see her tmw after sch.. i dun have to worry..

on wed, i couldn't go directly to siti's place coz i had some serious issues to handle in sch so i only could meet her after meeting a manager for an interview at Novena.. i met siti at abt 650pm.. Jewel and Hitler were in a deep slp, siti handed me the paper bag that had a shoe box filled with tissues n Jewel slping in it.. Jewel woke up for a while when we were in the ladies but went back to slp when we headed to the MRT to take the train back.

again, she woke up when we were in the train, i couldn't carry her coz there were a lot of pple around.. all i could do was to look at her, hoping that she'll stop crying..

i rushed back as fast as i could and when i did, siti called me.. she told me that something happened. i was hoping that it had nth to do with hitler... but it did.. Hitler had passed away, siti thinks it's coz of shock as he was riding with siti and her bf on the motorcycle and they encountered a hump on the road, then shortly after he died.

i didn't know what to say to comfort her coz i was too shocked. but siti was strong n said that hitler was not meant to be hers and asked me to take very good care of Jewel. i promised her. i promised to take care of her...

then when i was off the phone with siti, i picked Jewel up. she was soo cold, esp her neck. i was so scared, n didn't know what to do but to keep her warm. she started to meow again, so i decided to feed her some milk with a syringe. she only took some.. her meows were so soft n she didn't even had the energy to move at all.. i nearly wanted to cry.. i hugged her and kissed her, but she didn't do anything at all to respond.

But, as my mum kept asking me to bathe, so i had to leave her to bathe n eat.. when i came back, i realised that she had difficulty breathing.. i told my mum n decided to find a mother cat to give her some milk first, to reduce her hunger. we went to this provision shop that we knew that they had a female cat.. but the owner said her cat has already been sterlized and could not help us.. so we went to the pet shop at J8, B1 to ask them abt Jewel but coz at that time, it was already 10 so they were closed. we walked around to see what we could do but we couldn't find anything that might help Jewel.

then i decided to check on Jewel, i carried her and then i realised that she had passed away already. her tongue was sticking out n her arms were crossed, in front of her chest...

my mum n i decided to bury her n took the spade that was at a construction site, we walked until the end of the road, at the back of J8 where we found a place to bury her. my mum dug a hole for her, and i wrapped her in a cloth that my grandma gave to keep her warm. i placed her in the hole n we said a prayer for her to rest in peace. we buried her.

my pretty little furball has gone and will never come back to me anymore. although she has only been with me for less than 24 hrs, but she has already taken a place in my heart. i'll remember her always. i love her so much.

while walking home today, i nearly wanted to cry again coz it was raining. Jewel had such a sad life. she was born n abandoned, facing the cold weather with hitler. she died having to face the cold weather again. she only felt warmth for a short period in her life. she was such a poor baby.. T_T

Please take a minute of silence now, and say a short prayer for Hitler n Jewel. Thank u.

In the end, i didn't go and cut my hair last nite... coz the saloon was closed.. T_T so... i'm meeting huiling later to do it..

well, yesterday, the hangout with my IJ frens was good.. shell n i secretly bought a chocolate cake for fi's passing of chinese {she has never passed since dunno when} n after buying the cake, we went looking for a place to have it *mos burger*, whilst penny n liwen were distracting fi.. lol.. when shell and i finally sat down and waited.. we got ready the cake n all.. i looked at the cake and thought... why does this cake look soo familiar!?! then.. it suddnly struck me!! it was the same cake we had for my bday! -_-''' lol... fi was so "shocked" and all... ok.. actually she was shocked but she kept saying that shell and i are crazy... *after all we have done for her T_T* well, the cake was too big for the 5 of us to finish n the whipped cream in the cake made me wanna puke after a while.. *disgusted* so the reminding 3 big slices were given to shell's fren who came over to finish them all up.. lol.. 3 cheers for him!!

then, when we were walking to Far East, at Marriot's cafe i saw Juls! spoke to her
for a while and GUESS WHAT? She's getting married next yr, April.. i'm so happy for her.. Ü she asked me to go for her wedding.. *of coz i will.. ^_^* so excited!!!! better ask her to update me all abt it.. lol

i had to go off juz now to cut my hair.. it's shoulder length now.. hui wasn't very impressed with the guy who cut my hair.. that bloody gay.. i thought i was ok.. but seriously, i felt that it could be better too.. but hair grows.. who cares..

oh manzzzz... it has been raining all day.. Fir muz be very happy.. he loves the rain so much.. Ü rite, fir?

Guess what?! this morn, there was this PERVERT in the train!! this pretty, curvy girl was sitting in front of me, and was wearing this top that was kinda low.. this guy sitting next to her kept peeking at her boobs.. damn sick.. i was totally disgusted.. like HELLO! THERE'S PPLE AROUND! sicko.. arrgh!!

anyway... this past few weeks have been chye sim month or something.. every nite, i'm having chye sim as my veggie dish.. i really wonder why... did someone drop a whole big bag of chye sim at our door???

weird stuffs are happening... projects have to be passed up soon.. i dun mind.. lol.. i like being stressed and extremely busy.. i like to keep my mind working.. Ü
i have to go finish some typing for my projects already... tata... :P

i need a new hairstyle!!!!

aarrgghhh... i need a new hairstyle.. had this hairstyle for so bloody long already... i'm meeting hui later coz she has decided what to do to my stupid hair.. i have the world's most horrible hair... huge, freaking long and disgusting.. aarrgghh... so irritated... i felt worse when all my frens' hair are sooo nice... omg.. their hair are funky... i had to be the one with boring hair.. T_T

hopefully my new hairstyle will turn out well.. can't wait.. stupid hair... cross my fingers and toes.. lol pray for me, peeps.. :P

My first post!!!

silly michele came over to my place to help me set up my blog... she's still as annoying as ever... made for her chocolate peanut butter sandwich while she was working.... :P now she wanna watch tv.... sigh... n talking crap as usual.. hmmm...she seems very amazed by my furniture.. dunno why... -_-''' now she's saying that her butt hurts.. ouching away... *_* oopsy.. she saw what i wrote... lol.. she's staring at me now... BUT.. her eyes are too tiny... pfft... now she's showing me pics of her darling.. feel like throwing up.. *puke* she's so mushy... can't stand it... *goosebumps alert* hahahah... Ü

Fiona is coming over later.. my sis is lending her a cocktail dress that i can't find now.. *shell said i'm dead* -_-''' but... i really can't find it what... and my parents are happily vacationing at Thailand now.. *irritating pigs* -_-'' i told them that.. hmph.. they went to Perth in Jan, KL in Feb... and now Thailand in March.... i wonder where they are going in April.... *shell said that they'll go to Gold Coast or US* T_T

Gonna go out with our other IJ frens later.. Gonna eat Tom Yam Fish Meat Bee Hoon.. lol *shell says that i'm too naggy* then we're gonna go to orchard... someone wants us to go for some parade.. but... penny n the rest dun wanna go... i'm neutral.. lol *shell is staring at me, asking me whether i'm sure i'm neutral* OK fine.. someone from there has nice eyes.. but he's too chinaman.. so FORGET IT.. :P

shell can't believe what i'm talking abt.. lol.. she's saying that i'm offending anyone by what i'm typing... BUT i dun really give a shit.. :P

anyway.... lol.. shell's asking me to stop writing abt her... muahahaha... NO WAY!

have sch tmw.. damn.. dun wanna go n suffer... -_-'''

okie.. gotta go now.. shell's getting bored.. cya!